


Offbeat

by just_a_pinwheel



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Barebacking, Bottom Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Can't think of more tags, Canon Compliant, Drinking, Fluff, M/M, Smut, Top Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, a lot of that, also a lot of that, sex under the influence of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 11:20:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20488058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_a_pinwheel/pseuds/just_a_pinwheel
Summary: Soonyoung and Jihoon haven’t been very close for a long time already. One drunken night suddenly changes their whole dynamic and they are forced to find out where exactly their friendship broke apart all these years ago.





	1. A Dance

Soonyoung had a bad day. If he was really honest with himself he had a whole bad week. He tried to come up with a choreography for the new song but just nothing he tried worked out. Everything looked the same, nothing was exciting or extraordinary. He sat down on a chair in the training room and looked at the clock on the wall. It was already one o’clock in the morning. He should head back to the dorm because he knew that he wouldn’t get any work done today. The problem was that he didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to meet anyone there who would ask him how work is going, because he had to lie then and say that everything is fine. He hated showing anyone that there were times where he just couldn’t be creative.

There was only one person who really understood what he went through right now. And he didn’t know if it would be the best idea to bother him with his problems. That person was already for a long time faraway from being his best friend, so which right did he have to annoy him right now?

He didn’t want to say that they didn’t get along well, but it wasn’t how it used to be some years ago. They slowly drifted apart and Soonyoung didn’t even really know how that happened. No, that was actually a lie. It had been his fault. He knew that all too well.

When the two of them are together now, it was mostly strictly work-related talk. The times where the other came to his room to sleep in his bed were long forgotten. Sometimes he wished that there would be a way for them to go back to being that comfortable around each other again, but it was all just wishful thinking. Nothing would come out of it.

The choreographer took a quick shower and put on some clean clothes. He walked over to the kitchen afterward to fetch a drink. When he opened the fridge, a pack of beer caught his interest. He didn’t even like beer, to begin with, but maybe today he would make an exception. He made up his mind and grabbed the whole pack and slowly made his way down the corridor and knocked sharply on a door. He neither heard anything for a while nor did the door open. Just when he wanted to leave again, the door was cracked open at last. Soonyoung came face to face with an annoyed looking Jihoon.

“What do you want? I have to work.” Soonyoung gave him an apologetic smile and held up the package of beer. “Have a drink with me.” Jihoon rolled his eyes at Soonyoung. “We both don’t even like drinking.” Hoshi pushed his way into the room without answering and put the beer on the table. “I can’t do the choreography. I’m going crazy.” Jihoon's eyes softened a bit hearing Soonyoung's explanation. “I don’t wanna go home yet, so have a drink with me. Maybe I’ll just pass out and forget then everything.”

Jihoon sat down in his chair and looked at Soonyoung who had thrown himself dramatically onto the couch. “Fine. I also don’t get any work done today, so let’s drink.” Soonyoung was surprised that the producer was agreeing that easily with his request, but he didn’t want to complain.

They both got a beer from the package, took a sip and made a slight grimace at the same time. “Whoever thinks that this tastes good is an idiot.” Soonyoung chuckled at Jihoon. “Agreed.” They both drank some more in silence before Soonyoung started talking again. “So what’s troubling you that you are getting no work done?”

Jihoon shrugged slightly at the question. “No inspiration I guess.” Soonyoung nodded at Jihoon, totally understanding the other. Though, Soonyoung knew that Jihoon wasn’t like him. He might have no inspiration for some hours or maybe a day, but that’s his very maximum. The other was a machine who could produce great songs without stopping. And when he said machine, he didn’t mean that in a bad way. Jihoon was a genius while writing each and every song, no one had a single doubt about that.

“You’ll be fine. Your inspiration will probably come back in some hours.” Jihoon took a big gulp of the beer and leaned back in his chair. “Isn’t it the same for you?” Soonyoung wanted to tell the other that of course, it was the same for him. He only wanted to show his strong sides, but today he didn’t feel like lying and hiding. “Not right now. It has been for many days already like this.” Woozi didn’t answer Soonyoung for quite a while. Both of them quietly finished their first can of beer. Soonyoung automatically reached for a second one and Jihoon just did the same.

Soonyoung couldn’t get his failure of doing the choreography out of his head. The last one had been put so easily together because he could relate to the song so much. Strong and aggressive, every step a presentation of pure power and desperation. But this song was slow and personal and warm. Soonyoung didn’t know what to do with it. He couldn’t relate to it at the moment.

“You’ll get over it soon. You always get over it,” Jihoon told him quietly. Soonyoung felt the alcohol making him lightheaded already. Another can of beer and he’ll probably be drunk out of his mind, but he couldn’t care less right now. “Maybe, maybe not.” Jihoon stared at him and Soonyoung couldn’t figure out what the other was thinking. There had been a time when he had been good at reading Jihoon's emotions like an open book. Now he felt most of the time just like a stranger to him.

“I’m also having more writer’s blocks lately. I… I don’t know. There is so much to do and so few time. I feel stressed out, but I have no way to relieve the stress.” That Soonyoung was surprised at the other’s words was an understatement. He didn’t even know if it was more surprising to him that Jihoon had writer’s blocks or that he actually told him about it. Jihoon suddenly felt strangely closer to him than he had for a long time. The realization made adrenaline rush through Soonyoung's veins and let him feel more courageous in front of Jihoon than he normally was.

“You should find some way to relieve the stress then.” Jihoon snorted at Soonyoung's words, clearly unimpressed with what the other just told him. “That’s easier said than done.” Soonyoung took another sip from his beer, the can already half-empty again. He could feel how it got more difficult to talk in full coherent sentences. “Maybe you should find a cute girl and give her some nice kisses. You can’t stay unkissed all your life.” Was unkissed even a word? Soonyoung wasn’t sure anymore. His head was spinning slightly, so he put the can onto the table. It would be better not drink any more than he already had.

“I don’t want to kiss a cute girl.” Jihoon also put his can on the table and Soonyoung could hear from the sound it made that it must be empty. Seems like Jihoon drunk faster than him. So he must be at least as drunk as him because both of them really couldn’t hold their liquor. “Jihoonie, at one point you have to find a cute girl to kiss…” Jihoon chuckled darkly at Soonyoung's words.

“I said I don’t want to kiss a cute girl. What do you even know?” Jihoon sounded annoyed and Soonyoung didn’t really understand what was going on. “Then what do I not know?” Soonyoung saw how Jihoon bit his lip while lost in thoughts. His gaze was hard when he looked him in the eye again.

“I don’t want to get kissed by a cute girl, but I want to get fucked by a hot guy.” Soonyoung wasn’t sure for a moment if this was really happening right now. He felt the buzzing in his head and looked around the room searching for a clue that he was maybe dreaming this. Slight nervousness was creeping up under his skin.

“Don’t look that shocked. I know that you played around with both genders, so why would you look at me like this?” Soonyoung shook his head hardly at Jihoon's words to get his head a bit clearer again, but it wasn’t working. “I’m not… shocked. I just, I didn’t know.” Jihoon leaned his arm on the armrest and made a sour face. “Of course you didn’t know. You never asked.” Soonyoung felt bad that the other told him that bluntly that it was his fault because he never asked him anything personal. If he would have asked him years ago, would that have changed everything? Soonyoung's head was spinning and he didn’t know anymore what was right and what was wrong.

“Then why don’t you find a guy?” Jihoon shrugged again at Soonyoung's question. “You know it’s not that easy.” Soonyoung gulped slightly. He was itching to ask another question, but he didn’t know if he would go too far with it. “I know you want to ask me something. Spit it out.”

Soonyoung felt the nervousness creeping up on him once again. He didn’t have such a personal talk with Jihoon in a long time. It somehow didn’t feel right. But in his drunken state of mind, he couldn’t hold himself back. “Why do you want to be the one to get fucked?” Jihoons face stayed totally straight when Soonyoung asked the question and answered without thinking for long. “Because it would probably relieve the stress. And because I want to know how it feels to get fucked. My fingers are hardly the same.”

Soonyoung had to fight back a moan. Did Jihoon just tell him that he actually got off while fingering himself? Maybe here on this couch where he was sitting on right now? Soonyoung couldn’t help getting aroused by the sheer thought of it. Lee Jihoon, quiet and slightly cold producer with a bad temper from time to time got off with his fingers up his ass wishing it would be a thick cock instead. That was the most erotic thing Soonyoung heard in his whole life. 

Soonyoung's heart was beating wildly in his chest. This talk shouldn’t affect him because they were just colleagues and something like friends, but it still affected him greatly. Of course, it did. He had always believed Jihoon to be a very dominant guy. He had an overly dominant attitude all the time, how would anyone even get the idea that he could be submissive in any way?

So imagining Jihoon getting fucked was the biggest turn on he had ever experienced. Especially if he imagined it to be himself fucking the producer. He had to fight back another moan, his pants already becoming dangerously tight. He was so aroused and still drunk that he couldn’t even control what slipped out of his mouth next. “I could fuck you.”

Soonyoung saw how Jihoons eyes widened slightly and he immediately knew that he had fucked up. How could he even suggest something like that? This could destroy their whole relationship, even the dynamic of their whole group. Soonyoung shot up in panic, fidgeting with his fingers. “I- I should go. It’s late.” 

Why did he always end up saying things without thinking first? Why did Jihoon drive him crazy like this? Sleepless nights where he was pushing himself to the absolute limit of a choreography while wishing for the producer's attention were running through his mind. Every step he took had been just as dangerous as the thoughts he had been thinking. When he woke up after a night like this, he swore to himself to never go there again. Still, it had happened from time to time again. His last choreography had been the peak of it all. Jihoon had been in his head the whole time.

Soonyoung shook himself out of his thoughts and started walking to the door. Maybe he could still save this. He could go now and behave like it never happened. Or he could blame it on the alcohol. That was probably the best idea.

When Soonyoung got to the door and just wanted to reach for the doorknob, Jihoon grabbed him by the arm. He felt electrified by the touch and didn’t dare to turn around. “I want you to do it.” Soonyoung trembled slightly. He must have misheard right now. There was no way Jihoon had really said that.

Soonyoung turned around and saw the producer looking very determined at him. “What did you just say?” Soonyoung asked in a small voice, not believing what was happening here right now. Jihoon still looked unbothered though and took another step closer to him. “I want you to fuck me.”

Soonyoung was breathing a bit faster than normal, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. This was not a good idea and he knew it. He should excuse himself and tell Jihoon to forget everything they talked about today. But he couldn’t bring himself to walk away. The temptation was much too strong. He wanted this, he wanted to take Jihoon apart right here and right now. He wanted to have him all to himself. One more time he wanted Jihoon to only look at him. There was no way he could refuse that offer.

“Okay, let’s do it,” Soonyoung said in a more steady voice than he expected. “Do you… want it right now?” Jihoons eyes narrowed slightly, his gaze burning up. “Yes.”

Soonyoung wanted to scream and he wanted to cry. Throw something against the wall and light up fireworks at the same time. This was better than birthday and Christmas on the same day. He couldn’t believe his luck that Jihoon was standing here asking him to get fucked. Soonyoung was already so aroused and hard that all his reasoning flew out of the window. Turning away wasn’t an option anymore, maybe it never had been an option from the very beginning.

“Alright, come on.” Soonyoung now took Jihoon's arm and pulled him over to the couch. “Lie down.” Jihoon bit his lip but did as told and laid down comfortably on the couch, waiting for Soonyoung to make the next move. Soonyoung wasn’t too sure how to start this, because this was certainly not a normal situation. Friends didn’t talk about sex and then somehow end up doing it - especially not if they have a quite awkward relationship. 

“Jihoonie, what are you uncomfortable with? This is not exactly how things normally go. You might not want to, I don’t know…” Soonyoung didn’t dare to ask if he would dislike getting kissed. It would be a big blow if Jihoon would refuse it. But still, he needed to make sure what exactly Jihoon was comfortable with. “Just do whatever. If I don’t like something then I’ll tell you.” That was an open invitation to do anything Soonyoung wanted to do to him. At this point, Soonyoung was sure that this must be a dream. The whole situation felt completely surreal.

Soonyoung moved down onto the couch and Jihoon spread his legs apart so the other had space to place himself in between his legs. Soonyoung leaned close to Jihoon, stopping right before their lips touched. In the end, he couldn’t help asking for permission after all. “Is it okay if I kiss you? This is your first kiss, it can’t be redone.” Jihoon didn’t answer but just pulled the head of Soonyoung down. It was just a touch of lips first before Soonyoung slowly started moving his lips against Jihoons. The smaller one copied this fast and Soonyoung couldn’t help but want more. He traced Jihoon's lips with his tongue and the producer understood immediately and opened his mouth. Soonyoung slipped his tongue inside and licked slowly inside Jihoon's mouth. He played with the other's tongue until Jihoon started moving his tongue against his. It was shy and slow, but at the same time so very arousing and hot. Soonyoung felt lightheaded and it probably wasn’t only because of the beer he drunk earlier.

Soonyoung started moving one hand from Jihoons neck down to his torso. He slipped his hand under his shirt and traced the hard sixpack Jihoon had hidden there. Soonyoung still couldn’t believe his luck. Smocking hot Lee Jihoon, with his unbelievable body lying here under him, letting Soonyoung kiss and touch him. Jihoon, who never really let him get close anymore, neither on camera nor in private.

Soonyoung slowly traced a nipple and Jihoon gasped slightly into the older one's mouth. It just spurned Soonyoung on more and he slightly pinched and pulled the nipple. Jihoon now moaned into Soonyoung's mouth and moved his head to the side to gasp for air. Soonyoung didn’t let the other rest though and immediately pressed his crotch against Jihoons. Both of them moaned at the feeling of their hard cocks rubbing together. Soonyoung could feel how hard Jihoon already was for him and it made him drunk on power. Having Jihoon under him like this, moaning for him like this was not comparable to anything he had ever felt before. Not even performing in front of 20.000 fans felt like this, because this was personal. This was Jihoon who he already knew for so many years and never let Soonyoung overpower him in any way.

“D-don’t play around. Hurry up.” Soonyoung wanted to laugh at Jihoon's words but it was hardly the situation for that. Soonyoung just gave the other a sly smirk and motioned to the other to get rid of the shirt. While Jihoon obeyed and took his shirt off, Soonyoung started opening the pants and pulled them including the underwear and socks from the smaller one's legs. Soonyoung raked his eyes over the perfect naked body of Jihoon. This was hardly the first time he saw the producer naked, but never before that flushed, cock standing hard between his legs. “Fuck, you’re so hot, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon threw his head back, arching his back slightly from the couch. “Do something.” Jihoon gritted out and Soonyoung licked his lips watching the perfect sight in front of him. He grabbed Jihoons dick and moved his hand very slowly up and down. Jihoon let out a high pitched moan while trashing around slightly on the couch. Soonyoung let out a small moan himself watching the vocalist like this. He was perfect.

“Lube in the d-drawer of my ahh desk.” Soonyoung knew what the other was getting at and it made his cock twitch. He played with the head of Jihoons cock for a bit longer before finally releasing his dick to get off the couch and fetch the lube. Soonyoung could hear Jihoon breathing harshly all the while on the couch. Every sound Jihoon made created a beautiful melody, a thousand dance steps were going through Soonyoung's mind. Jihoon was the perfect inspiration.

When Soonyoung found the lube and turned around again, there was an impatient glint in Jihoons eyes. “Condom?” He asked him, but Woozi just shook his head. “Don’t have one and also don’t want it.” Soonyoung smiled sweetly at the producer and took again his position between Jihoon's legs on the couch without any further discussion. “Just hurry the fuck up,” Jihoon said annoyed but Soonyoung took his sweet time and ran a hand over one of Jihoons thighs, enjoying the feeling of the smooth skin under his fingertips. “Why are you so impatient?”

“I want something inside of me.” Soonyoung groaned loudly at Jihoons answer. This was like a whole other person. This was not the Lee Jihoon he knew. Or he just never knew the real Jihoon. Or he just never properly looked at him. It seemed like he had missed out on a lot of things in the last years.

Soonyoung opened the lube and coated three of his fingers thoroughly. “You don’t even know what you are talking about, Jihoonie. This will all feel really different from fingering yourself.” Jihoon just stared quietly at him not talking back, so Soonyoung decided it was time to finally give the other what he wanted. He traced with one tip Jihoons tight hole and pushed slowly inside. He couldn’t see any discomfort on the other's face so he just kept on pushing until his finger was completely swallowed up. “Move!” Jihoon barked and Soonyoung couldn’t help letting out a small laugh this time. It would be interesting to see how long Jihoon could hold up that attitude.

Hoshi moved his finger in a steady rhythm inside Jihoon. He didn’t dare to push in another, because the producer was so unbelievably tight. “When was the last time you fingered yourself?” He asked curiously while watching Jihoons slightly unfocused eyes. “Some weeks a-ago.” Soonyoung hummed lowly. “That’s why you are so fucking tight.”

“Another one.” Jihoon requested in a hard voice and Soonyoung couldn’t refuse him, because he was getting slightly impatient himself. He pulled the single digit out and pushed two inside, maybe a bit harder than he actually should have, because Jihoon let out a chocked sound while throwing his head back. The smaller one wasn’t complaining in any way though, so Soonyoung just started moving his fingers in and out. Quiet moans were leaving Jihoon's lips and each and every sound made Soonyoung's ears ring. Jihoon had the perfect voice for moaning, it was very erotic.

“More, harder.” Jihoon was so very bossy even in a situation like this. But Soonyoung knew he wouldn’t be able to hold that up for much longer. He would make sure of that himself.

Soonyoung started moving his fingers harshly inside Jihoon, slightly curling the tips inwards. As he got the right angle, at last, Jihoon was screaming out. It was like music in Soonyoung's ears and he wanted to keep on listening to it. 

Without a pause he kept in hitting against Jihoons prostate and the other was unraveling in front of his eyes. “Soonyoung ahhhh, hnn, ahh.” Jihoon was shaking so much that Soonyoung was a bit worried he would fall off the couch at one point. But it still wasn’t enough for Soonyoung, he wanted the other to completely lose his mind. 

He pushed a third finger inside Jihoons hole and the younger one was wailing loudly. If the walls wouldn’t be soundproof, the scream would have probably echoed through the corridor. “FUCK! AHHH! Soon- aaaahh!” Soonyoung pushed his fingers again and again deeply into Jihoon, loving how his fingers were swallowed up that easily by Jihoons ass. “You like this, don’t you? Did it ever feel like this doing it yourself?” 

Jihoon forced his eyes open and panted and moaned. It was obviously difficult for him to even say a simple sentence right now. “N-no… your ahhh y-your fingers are much, oh g-god, much l-longer and deeper.” Soonyoung couldn’t help shaking slightly hearing the words leaving Jihoon's mouth. He couldn’t take this foreplay much longer. He was close to losing his mind too.

“Do you want my dick now, Jihoonie?” Another loud and high pitched moan left Jihoon and afterward something that sounded close to a “yes”, but one needed great imagination to make it out. “Jihoon-ah, tell me.” Jihoon whimpered hearing the nickname. “Please! Pleaseee!” 

Soonyoung couldn’t take it. Hearing the producer beg for it like this was the cherry on top. Even if he wanted to hold himself back longer, he just wasn’t able to do it anymore. Soonyoung slowly pulled his fingers out and started opening his pants to take out his cock. Jihoon was all the while watching him through half-lidded eyes, biting his lip slightly when seeing Soonyoung's dick.

Soonyoung opened the lube again and coated his cock generously. He jerked himself off slowly while looking at Jihoon. “Do you like it?” Jihoon suddenly broke eye contact and looked away. Soonyoung was sure there was a blush spreading over his face and body. “Yes,” Jihoon mumbled lowly, not saying more. Soonyoung leaned over Jihoon and turned his head with one hand back so he could look him into the eye again. “Yes, what?” He leaned down and they kissed heatedly. Jihoon now pushed his tongue much more aggressively back than he did when they first kissed. It made Soonyoung's mind swim. Jihoon really was the most incredible person he had ever met.

When they parted again, Jihoon was looking with glassy eyes at Soonyoung. “Fuck me. I w-want your cock inside of me.” Soonyoung slowly kissed down Jihoons neck. The temptation to leave a mark there was big, but he knew he wasn’t allowed to. So he just bit him so slightly that no marks would be left behind. “Please stop! I c-can’t wait any…more. Need your… big cock.” That was what did it for Soonyoung. Jihoon and his dirty mouth – he should have known the other would say things like this. 

Soonyoung stopped kissing and biting Jihoons neck and sat up to position his cock in front of Jihoons hole. He was shaking in anticipation, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to hold back once inside of the other. “Jihoon-ah, did you ever climax without touching your cock?” Jihoon shook his head slightly. “Then you’ll experience it for the first time today.” Without another warning, Soonyoung slipped the head of his cock into Jihoon and the producer gasped loudly, trying to grip the couch to hold onto something. Soonyoung very slowly inched his way forward and it was impossibly difficult for him. He just wanted to thrust hard into the tight heat surrounding him, but he had to hold himself back for Jihoons sake.

When Soonyoung bottomed out finally, both of them were breathing harshly. Jihoon had his eyes wide open, but they were completely unfocused. “Are you o-okay? Holy fuck, you’re so tight.” Jihoon was just shaking slightly all over, not answering Soonyoung at all.

Soonyoung leaned forward to caress his face. “Hey, Jihoon-ah. Are you okay?” Jihoons eyes slowly became focused again. “So full. I feel… so full.” Soonyoung's cock twitched a couple of times inside of Jihoon, both of them gasping quietly. “I’ll start moving now.”

Soonyoung wanted to give Jihoon all the time in the world to adjust, but he was at his limit. He needed to move, but he didn’t want to be an asshole, so he did it very slowly and cautiously. After moving a while like this, Soonyoung could see that any discomfort had left Jihoons face and he started thrusting harder at last. His grip on Jihoons legs tightened and Jihoon screamed loudly. The producer arched his back from the couch and trashed his head from one side to the other. It looked like he almost couldn’t breathe anymore. Pants and moans were leaving his mouth continuously. Soonyoung smiled at the realization that he had found the other's prostate that easily.

“Is it… ahh, is it like you imagined?” Soonyoung fucked hard into the small body under him and he could feel his climax approaching fast. Feeling the tight heat around him, seeing Jihoon so out of control under him, just taking everything he gave him made Soonyoung go crazy. No one else came even close to being so very perfect like Jihoon was right now. He was blindingly beautiful in Soonyoung's eyes.

“B-better. You are ahhh so much better nghhh-“ The praise went straight to Soonyoung's cock and also to his head. He fucked even harder right into Jihoons prostate, so the younger one would reach his climax soon.

“SOONYOUNG! Oh fuck, ahhhh, I I… I’m c-coming…” Soonyoung was shaking and hurting. It was so difficult to hold his orgasm back, but he wanted Jihoon to come first. He needed to see the vocalist come on his cock.

“Come for me, Jihoon-ah. C-come on, do it.” He gritted out and thrust another couple of times into Jihoon before the small body under him started shaking uncontrollably. Jihoons face was in complete bliss and high pitched moans were spilling from his pink lips. Cum was spurting in strings from his cock onto his belly, leaving a mess there. Jihoon was ethereal. Soonyoung wanted nothing more than seeing Jihoon always like this.

Soonyoung slowed a bit down now that the other reached his orgasm and pushed deep into the tight heat. He heard how Jihoon was whimpering and sobbing quietly, probably because of the overstimulation, but he couldn’t stop himself. The heat in his belly was already so hot, he knew he would come any second.

It took him another four thrusts until he let out a loud moan and spilled his seed deep into the willing body under him. Jihoon shuddered slightly at the feeling. “Soonyoung, hmm…”

Soonyoung rode out his orgasm slowly until every last drop of cum had filled up Jihoon. Only then he pulled out his cock and let himself fall onto the body under him. “You’re crushing me,” Jihoon mumbled tiredly.

“Give me just a moment. I’ll clean up soon, but give me just a moment like this.” Soonyoung laid his head on Jihoon's shoulder and gave him some small kisses on the neck, while his hands slowly caressed the producer's hips. “Thank you, Soonyoung,” he heard the other say. It made Soonyoung look up at Jihoon's face, but the other seemed to be fast asleep already. 

Soonyoung sighed quietly and got up finally and fetched the tissues from Jihoon's desk. He cleaned Woozi up as good as possible and put some clothes onto him again. The smaller one stayed fast asleep all the while.

Soonyoung watched Jihoon sleeping for a while and considered what he should do now. Should he stay? Should he go? He didn’t know and understand what this was that just happened between them, so it was difficult to make a decision. 

The dancer unconsciously reached out for Jihoons face and just before he touched it he pulled back again slightly. He had seen Jihoon sleeping like this a thousand times and he probably wanted to touch him at least a thousand times too. It felt like a magnet was pulling at him, he just couldn’t stop wanting it. Soonyoung slowly started caressing Jihoon's face, never waking the other up. Just five minutes. Just for five minutes, he wanted to believe that what happened today actually meant something and that something good would come out of it. He knew it was just a phantasy, but for five minutes he could pretend that it was real.

Five minutes later Soonyoung got up and walked out of Jihoons studio. He really wanted to stay, but it would probably be for the best if they both just forgot that this ever happened. Hoshi was sure that this was just an experiment for Jihoon, maybe even a drunken mistake and he would feel awkward for sure if he stayed the night there.

Soonyoung went down the corridor and he saw the steps of the choreography he made some weeks ago in his mind. The choreography that made him go crazy while thoughts of Jihoon slipped into his head. Every move a presentation of the lyrics that shook up his heart.

_I’m still in the same spot_  
_At this moment I breathe you in _  
_I go crazy and can’t control myself_  
_My body reacts to your scent_

_Don’t you know how I feel_  
_Do you really not know how I feel_  
_You’re my one and only_  
_For some reason you are awkward with me _  
_I really don’t want to hate you_

He would never show how he truly felt. He’ll take these feelings with him to his grave.  
Always still in the same spot.


	2. A Song

Jihoon sat in his studio staring at the monitor in front of him. There was a blank screen waiting to be filled with melody, but he had just sat here for hours not creating a single sound. This time it wasn’t because he lacked inspiration, but simply because he couldn’t concentrate on making music. His mind was already over-occupied with something else, someone else. Kwon fucking Soonyoung.

He wanted to blame Soonyoung for all of it. For coming late into his studio, for bringing beer with him, for saying stupid stuff to him. But Jihoon knew that there was no else but him to blame for the uncomfortable situation they were in right now.

He and Soonyoung knew uncomfortable. They had been both nothing else but uncomfortable around each other for a long time. They had gone from best friends to good colleagues or something strange in between. A relationship shouldn’t develop in this way, normally it went the other way around.

Sometimes Jihoon thought back on the times where he sneaked into Soonyoung's bed, searching the comfort of the other. And when he caught himself thinking these things, he had to scold himself for actually being so stupid to thinking back on it. These times would never come back. He knew that so well because he had been the one that made their friendship fall apart.

Still he and Soonyoung had a way of coping with their strange relationship. Sometimes the choreographer would come to his studio to talk about work. And late at night they often went to the gym together. They talked about training and even more about work. They were good at keeping everything professional, but at the same time still friendly. Even though they were friendly with each other, every gaze between them was guarded, nothing was as real and raw as it was some years ago.

But the night three days ago shattered their friendly professionalism completely. They had been drunk and Jihoon had said something stupid and Soonyoung had said something even more stupid. It ended in them doing something unbelievably stupid. Jihoon woke up the next morning feeling cold and hurt. Hurt because is body was hurting like fuck, but also hurt because Soonyoung had been nowhere to be found.

It was expectable. Soonyoung running off was the best thing he could have done. It would stay a one-time thing under the influence of alcohol. They could easily get over it like this.

Or that’s at least what Jihoon had thought. Against all expectations, both of them had neither spoken a single word to each other nor even glanced at the other. It was awkward. When Jihoon had thought that he had been awkward before with Soonyoung, he really didn’t know what he was talking about at that time. This awkwardness was unbearable.

The saddest revelation of this whole situation was the fact that none of the other members even noticed. And they didn’t notice purely because no one ever expected the two of them to interact regularly. No one expected them to be such good friends anymore.

Jihoon felt a pang in his heart at the thought. He tried to push it away but it was very persistent. Just as persistent as the memories of the night three days ago were. They would come back to haunt him constantly, sometimes in the worst possible situations. When he was sitting together with Bumzu to review some music or when he tried to explain Seungcheol the subject of the rap for the newest song.

It was humiliating. But the worst thing about it all was the fact that he couldn’t feel regret about it. He just didn’t. How could he, when everything that night had just felt so unbelievably good and right? He could be angry and disappointed, because of the awkward situation they were in right now, but there was no way he could regret it. In his heart what they had done wasn’t a drunken mistake but the one thing he wanted all along. And his heart was very stubborn about it.

Jihoon looked at the clock and sighted when another hour had gone by without him doing anything productive. He would never get any work done like this. Maybe he should go out and fetch something to eat or talk to someone. Really, everything was better than being alone with his thoughts the whole time.

He got up from his chair and just wanted to shut down his computer when he heard a knock at the door. He went over to open it and almost closed it right away again when he saw Soonyoung standing in front of him. Neither of them said anything for a while. At one point it just got too much for Jihoon and he cleared his throat and mentioned to Soonyoung to come inside.

“Why are you here?” Soonyoung stood awkwardly inside Jihoon's studio looking around like he was searching for something. Jihoon knew that he wasn't really searching for something though, Soonyoung just did that when he was nervous. “I wanted to ask if you could give me the revised version of the new track. It’s better to make the choreography with the actual sound.”

Jihoon nodded and sat down in front of his computer again. “Yeah, give me your phone. I’ll upload it for you.” Soonyoung laid his phone onto the table and Jihoon took it immediately and connected it to his computer. “Just a moment, I have to look for the file.”

Jihoon was mindlessly searching around on his computer. Of course, he knew where he had saved the file, he wasn’t an idiot. But he needed to buy himself some time. He needed to think about what he should tell Soonyoung. If he would only upload the file and send him on his way, this awkward situation between them would just continue. He couldn’t have that. He needed a clear head to finally start working again.

But what could he even say? Let’s just forget what happened? It was just a one-time thing, so why worry about it? Never heard anything of friends with benefits? Fuck, they weren’t even friends to begin with. It was all ridiculous. Nothing came to his mind that made sense.

One idea was very persistently seeking attention in his mind though. And it was the worst of them all. It was the one thing he really shouldn’t say.

Jihoon started uploading the file onto Soonyoungs phone, not able to delay it any longer. He held the phone afterward up to Soonyoung who was still standing beside him. “Thank you,” Soonyoung said quietly and gave him a small smile. The expression on Soonyoungs face was strange and Jihoon couldn’t decipher it. Normally he could always read Soonyoung like an open book, but not right now.

“I’ll better go now.” Soonyoung said and turned away. Jihoons's mind was screaming at him to do something, anything, so he got up from the chair and grabbed the choreographer's arm to stop him. “Hoshi, wait.” Jihoon saw how Soonyoung visibly flinched hearing his stage name. He didn’t even turn around again to look at the producer.

Jihoon slightly panicked not knowing what to do or say next. Jihoon's mind was still busily providing him with the one information he shouldn’t tell Soonyoung: That he wanted him. He wanted to feel him again, sleep with him again, be close to him again. Jihoon tried to push the thoughts away but it wasn’t working. The only thing he could think about was Soonyoung taking him apart again and again and again. He felt his throat closing up and his heart hammering in his chest. 

“If you have nothing to say then I’ll go.” When Soonyoung told him that, Jihoon grabbed his arm even tighter, not letting the other move away. His mind shut down completely. Jihoon had lost the battle he never even had a chance of winning in the first place. He turned Soonyoung around, grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down to kiss him harshly on the mouth.

He knew he was stupid for doing this. This wouldn’t make things better between them, but just make them even more complicated. He should talk to Soonyoung about what had happened between them three days ago and not just do the same stupid thing all over again. But when Soonyoung kissed him back just as desperately, nothing else mattered anymore. They could talk about it later, right now he just wanted Soonyoung to not let him go.

Soonyoung hardly pushed Jihoon against the desk and kissed down his neck. Strong hands went under his shirt caressing all the skin they could reach. Jihoon felt like in a fever dream. He felt too hot, his mind became fuzzy and he almost couldn’t breathe anymore. He wanted to get out of it but knew that he was trapped in these suffocating feelings.

Soonyoung shoved the keyboard out of the way and took Jihoon by the hips and turned him around. Soonyoung pressed his crotch against Jihoon's ass harshly and a gasp fell from the younger’s lips. Soonyoung was already hard. “Lean over,” he whispered into Jihoons ear. The vocalist was shaking slightly when placing his hands onto the desk. He stared at his work computer right in front of him where the tap with the new song was still open. The melody started ringing through his head and mixed with his heartbeat to create a perfect melody.

Soonyoung started opening Jihoons pants and he just let him do it. He didn’t have it in him to refuse Soonyoung in any way. Before he knew it, his cock was springing free and Soonyoung was going through his drawer searching for the lube. It didn’t take Soonyoung long until he pushed a lube coated finger into Jihoon and then much too fast a second one. Jihoon let his head hang low, panting from the intrusion. He felt strangely empty, even though he should feel full. Soonyoung thrust hard against his prostate and Jihoon let out a long moan and then another. In his mind he could still hear the song, mocking him with its lyrics. Maybe this wasn’t what he wanted after all.

A third finger went inside and Jihoon screamed when his prostate got stimulated once again. “Soonyoung! Fuck!” He heard a dark chuckle coming from the choreographer. “Now you remember my name again? You better keep on remembering it.” Soonyoung pulled his fingers out and Jihoon could hear how Soonyoung opened his pants and squeezed more lube into his hand. Just some seconds later, he already felt the thick head of Soonyoungs dick pushing against his opening.

Jihoon knew that Soonyoung was angry with him, maybe disappointed, maybe something entirely else. So he kind of expected the other to hurt him, but he didn’t. He pushed just as slowly into him as he had done the first time. He gently held his hips and kissed along Jihoon's shoulder blade. He only started moving after Jihoon stopped shaking and it was so very good for Jihoon. He couldn’t stop moaning while Soonyoung thrust into him deeply.

“Are you feeling good?” Jihoon nodded his head. “Y-yes, give me more.” Soonyoung thrust a bit harder into him and it left him feeling breathless. All thoughts from earlier forgotten. He just felt the pleasure running through his body in waves. “What do you like best?”

“Everything. I like… ah, everything.” And it wasn’t a lie. He loved every little thing Soonyoung did to him. How he held his hips, caressed them softly with his fingertips, how he thrust into him a bit harder each time Jihoon let out an especially loud moan, how he kissed and licked at his back gently. This was totally different from the first time they had sex. This was better, this was…

“AHHHH!” One of Jihoon's hands slipped from the table, bumping against the microphone standing on the table when Soonyoung suddenly started thrusting harshly into him. “W-wait, aahhh, nghhh, the m-mic is …” Soonyoung didn’t slow down at all but just fucked harder into Jihoon. 

“Leave it on. You can listen to this later again.” Soonyoungs words went straight to Jihoons cock. The choreographer was driving him insane with his voice, with his words, with his oh so talented hips. Jihoon suddenly needed even more friction and started moving his hips to Soonyoungs strong thrusts. Skin was slapping loudly against skin and his moans were getting even higher pitched.

“Yes, moan louder, Jihoon-ah.” Jihoon felt tears pricking at his eyes at the nickname. Through the cloud of pleasure, he suddenly saw the reason why this felt so wrong in the beginning again. “I want, I w-want…” I want to see you, that’s what he wanted to tell Soonyoung. He didn’t want to be fucked like this. He needed to look into Soonyoungs eyes and see what the other was feeling. He didn’t want to be the only one with feelings.

Jihoon held back a sob but he couldn’t hold back the tears that were starting to stream down his face. He was glad when Soonyoung suddenly grabbed his cock and got him off harshly in rhythm to his thrust. “Are you close, Jihoon-ah? I’m so ahh close. You feel so good.” The pleasure was blinding and it made him momentarily forget the reason why the tears just didn’t stop running down his face.

“Soonyoung, I’m c-coming…” Soonyoung stroked him even harder and Jihoon couldn’t hold on anymore. The heat exploded in his body and he came with a scream. When Soonyoung just kept on hammering into him while slowly milking his cock dry at the same time, he couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore. He cried quietly while Soonyoung thrust a couple more times into him and finally filled the producer with his cum.

When Soonyoung pulled out, his arms couldn’t hold him up anymore and he crushed down onto the table. He cushioned his head onto one hand and lay there sobbing and panting. “Jihoonie?” He couldn’t let the other see him like this. He couldn’t let him see how very broken he was.

“I’m… okay. Just, just give me a minute.” He got out somehow, but he didn’t know how wrecked he sounded. He laid there for quite some time until his tears had dried and his heartbeat had calmed down a bit. He got up from the table and grabbed some tissues and whipped away all fluids as good as possible and pulled his underwear and pants on again.

He took a deep breath and turned around to look at Hoshi. Once again the choreographer had an unreadable expression on his face. “I should go now.” Jihoon looked emotionless at the other not able to react at all. He wanted to tell the other to stay but he just couldn’t get the words out. Soonyoung stood there for a bit longer before finally turning around to leave Jihoons studio.

Jihoon could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. But what use was a heart when it felt completely empty?

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Almost a week had gone by and nothing had changed. Jihoon and Soonyoung still didn’t talk and it still didn’t catch anyone’s eye. Everything was normal and at the same time, nothing was. Jihoon hadn’t written a single note for over one week. Never before he couldn’t write something new for such a long time. He was starting to get desperate because he still needed to write the song for the vocal unit. But he didn’t dare to create a single note or writing a single word. He didn’t want to see his heart’s content written down on a piece of paper. He was too afraid to see how broken he really was.

Jihoon scrolled through his files and contemplated which one to open, so he might get some inspiration from it. At the very end of the page was the file with the date of one week ago. He should have deleted it immediately, but he didn’t. It just sat there now and looked so very tempting.

Before he could change his mind, he clicked on the file and loud moans immediately started filling his room. He wanted to stop the file but his hand wasn’t listening to him. He sat frozen on his chair and listened to Soonyoung and him fucking. _“Leave it on. You can listen to this later again.”_

Jihoon let out a moan hearing Soonyoung's voice that wrecked. Now that he wasn’t totally out of his mind, because of pleasure fuzzing up his brain, he could hear how different Soonyoungs voice sounded. How deep and strained. So very sexy.

Jihoon couldn’t believe how loud they both had been and he couldn’t believe how much listening to this was actually turning him on. He slowly rubbed a hand over his cock and he was already fully hard.

_“Yes, moan louder, Jihoon-ah.” _Jihoon started opening his pants in a frenzy. The only thought in his mind was to get filled. He grabbed the lube from the drawer and coated his fingers heavily before pushing two fingers at once deep into him. He didn’t care that it hurt. He was so aroused that he couldn’t care about anything anymore. He just wanted to feel a bit like being together with Soonyoung again.

_“Are you close, Jihoon-ah? I’m so ahh close. You feel so good.” _Jihoon pushed another finger into him but it all wasn’t enough. He just wanted Soonyoung. His whole mind was filled up with the other. 

Jihoon stopped the file with his left hand and grabbed his phone that lay on the table. After some unsuccessful tries he managed to open the profile he was searching for and tapped calling. He held the phone close to his ear waiting for the other to pick up.

“Why are you calling? I’m eating with the others right now.” Jihoon let out a moan when his fingers brushed his prostate, he didn’t even feel ashamed because he was already too far gone.

“Fuck, are you…?” Jihoon moaned again into the phone. “Please, Soonyoung…” It sounded like the line was cut for a moment and then he could hear Soonyoung again. “I’m coming over right now. Wait for me.” The line got cut off for real and Jihoon started moving his fingers faster again. He helplessly moaned Soonyoungs name. The pleasure was nothing compared to the pleasure when Soonyoung did this to him. Soonyoungs fingers felt so much better. They were longer and could press better into his prostate. He needed him. But he didn’t just need the sex, in the back of his mind he knew that this was just a pathetic excuse to have Soonyoung close again. He needed everything of Soonyoung. His mind, body and soul.

Jihoon heard the code to his studio getting dialed and then the door was flying open. He turned his head to the side and looked at Soonyoung who stood there breathing harshly, probably because he had been running here. “Soonyoung, ahhhh…” Soonyoung rushed over and kissed Jihoon. He seemed to be totally out of control, his eyes blown wide. 

Soonyoung stopped the kiss as sudden as he had started it and pulled Jihoons fingers out of his ass. He carefully lifted him and sat him onto the table. Jihoon could see how much Soonyoung was shaking, he had trouble opening his pants. Seeing such a desperate side of Soonyoung aroused Jihoon just more. He wanted him more, needed him more. He wanted everything the other could give him.

Without any warning or further preparation Soonyoung pushed his cock into Jihoon and the smaller one was wailing at the feeling of being split open. “You’re so naughty, Jihoon-ah. Why do you rile me up like this?” Jihoon couldn’t answer because a scream left his mouth when Soonyoung hardly fucked into him.

Soonyoung suddenly stopped again and lifted Jihoon, his cock still inside of him. He walked over to the couch and sat down, never letting Jihoon go so the producer was now straddling his lap. Jihoon let himself sink down completely on Soonyoung cock again and let out an unrestricted moan. He felt so full of Soonyoung. Even more than the first time, where he had almost lost his mind being split open that much. He liked the feeling of having Soonyoung inside of him far too much and this position let him feel everything. “Oh my god…” Jihoon threw his head back and started moving up and down Soonyoungs cock. “W-why is your ahhh cock so big?” Jihoon felt Soonyoungs cock twitch inside of him. It was so good, everything was so good.

Jihoon opened his eyes again and saw that Soonyoung was also watching him through half-lidded eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Soonyoung deeply. The press of their tongues was hot and desperate. Feelings were strongly bubbling up in him and he couldn’t help pressing himself closer to Soonyoung. He wanted Soonyoung to surround him completely, feel him deeper, fill up his every sense. He never wanted this to stop. He didn’t want to go back to the reality where they were both not talking to each other. He wanted to stay here where he could imagine that they were both happy together and not best friends that fell out years ago, barely talking a private word with each other.

“Jihoon-ah, do you know how beautiful you are?” The question shock Jihoon's core and he could barely hold on. He bounced up and down Soonyoungs dick and started twitching and shaking when he reached his orgasm - Soonyoungs name a broken cry on his lips. “Soonie ahhhh, Soonie…”

It took Jihoon a moment to stop shaking. He immediately forced his eyes open afterward to watch how Soonyoung was thrusting still into his body, head thrown against the back of the couch. The moans that left Soonyoung were music in his ears and he didn’t care that Soonyoung was still pounding against his prostate harshly and it hurt. But it hurt so good. Of all the pain he went through in the last years and he went through a lot of pain, this was by far the best.

Soonyoung pushed a final time into him and reached his climax. Jihoon watched Soonyoungs face contort slightly and then relax in pleasure. His mouth was hanging open and he moaned lowly – he was so very beautiful in Jihoons eyes. He wanted to remember this forever because this might be the last time he would see Soonyoung like this.

When Soonyoung got down from his high, he opened his eyes and looked with an unreadable expression at Jihoon. Jihoon immediately tried to close off his feelings too, so Soonyoung wouldn’t see what his real emotions were, but he wasn’t sure if he actually managed to do so. He got up from Soonyoungs lap and felt the cum and lube leaking out of his ass. He winced slightly at the feeling and limped over to the table to grab some tissues.

One tissue slipped from his hands when he heard Soonyoung getting up from the couch and then walking to the back of the room. „I‘ll go now,“ Soonyoung said in a quiet voice. The click of the door falling shut was echoing much louder through the room than it normally did. Jihoon cleaned himself up and put on his clothes and stared with empty eyes at the door.

He had left him a third time. After their first night, he still thought he couldn’t regret it. But the second and third time had been obviously mistakes. Two mistakes that left his heart in pieces on the floor and there was no one to pick them up. Soonyoung just walked all over them while leaving his studio.

Jihoon let himself sink to the floor and clutched his shirt tightly right over his heart. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it still hurt so much after all these years...

The new song was ringing through Jihoon's mind again. It was a song like every other he had written before. Writing the lyrics hadn’t been difficult, because the words needed to be said so his heart would feel lighter again. He had written his songs like this for years - just writing down the things he could never say out loud.

_What do I do? Without you_  
_I have no home to be at ease_  
_I’m empty for you within _  
_ Perhaps it could be a bit tricky_  
_But I’ll always be standing here for you_  
_You can make yourself at home_

_I don’t want to let you go like this_  
_Don’t want to stay heart broken, afraid_  
_I’m where you should be_  
_You’re where I should be_

It was so hard, so hard, so hard. Jihoon couldn’t go on like this anymore. His heart really had no home.


	3. A Harmony

Soonyoung sat on the floor of the changing room leaning against a locker. He felt tired and helpless. He didn’t know what to do or with whom he should talk about his problems. He felt completely alone, which was really unfair of him to think because he never really was alone. But at this moment, he couldn’t help it.

He and Jihoon had made so many stupid mistakes in such a short time and they shattered everything they had left of their friendship. Soonyoung wasn’t even sure how all of these things had happened. Neither of them had been probably in their right minds. But now, Soonyoung didn’t know anymore how he should look the other in the eye and talk to him normally. And the problem was that he couldn’t just keep on avoiding Jihoon. They were preparing for the new album and he was still in a slump and he actually had to talk to Jihoon about the new song.

Soonyoung had sat on the floor for one hour already and couldn’t move away from the spot. All because he knew had to go and talk to Jihoon after he got up. But he was scared. He was afraid that they would make another stupid mistake again and even more afraid that Jihoon wouldn’t even want to talk to him anymore. And then what? How should they manage this comeback? Everything seemed hopeless.

It was still a riddle to Soonyoung what Jihoon was thinking. He was just closing his feelings off all the time and he couldn’t figure the other out. He had hoped so much that Jihoon would stop him from leaving, but he never did, so he thought it must be what Jihoon actually wants. It was just sex, nothing more.

Certain small things made him doubt that conclusion though. He thought back on what happened two days ago and how Jihoon had looked at him with emotion-filled eyes. The way how Jihoon had said his nickname was immediately starting to ring in his ears. He hadn’t called him like that in years. Only Hoshi or in rare cases Soonyoung, but never Soonie. 

Had that only been a slip of tongue? Soonyoung banged his head lightly against the wall. Every touch of Jihoon was still burning his body, every word he had said, every moan that left his pretty mouth was still turning his mind into chaos.

Soonyoung didn’t know how to heal his heart and mind anymore. Everything was a broken mess.

He couldn’t go on like this anymore. He had to talk to Jihoon about what happened between them. At least for the sake of the group they needed to be able to communicate with each other.

Soonyoung got slowly up from the cold floor and started walking to Jihoons studio. The closer he got, the more difficult each step became. His body felt heavy and he just wanted to stop and go back to hide in some dark corner. But he needed to be strong and fix this somehow. There was no turning back.

Soonyoung tried to stay calm when he arrived in front of Jihoons studio, but he could feel his fingers trembling slightly against the fabric of his pants. Before he lost his nerve completely, he knocked fast at the producers door.

It felt like hours until the door opened at last. Soonyoung couldn’t help noticing how closed off Jihoon looked. His posture was defensive and his eyes were expressionless while watching Soonyoung. Something was very wrong and Hoshi had to find out what.

"What do you need? Another file?" Jihoons voice was flat, much more than normal.

"We have to talk." Jihoon snorted while turning around and walking away. Soonyoung was left alone standing in front of the door. He considered running away for a second but swallowed down the panic and entered Jihoons studio.

Jihoon sat down in his usual chair and Soonyoung on the couch in front of him. Woozi didn’t say another word, obviously waiting for Soonyoung to start this talk.

"We can’t go on like this, Jihoonie. We need to be able to talk to each other or how do you expect us to work together?" Jihoon gave Soonyoung a sharp look. "Do you want to blame this all on me now? You were ignoring me also the whole time!"

Soonyoung looked down at the floor. He knew that Jihoon was right. They were both to blame for this awkward situation. He should have been his normal goofy self right after their first night together and then everything could have gone smoothly back to normal. The problem was that Soonyoung didn’t want this normality anymore. Their normality, their reality had been offbeat for far too long. He didn’t want them to be a broken record anymore.

"Did you ever really thought about why we drifted apart so much?" The question was out before Soonyoung could stop himself. The one question that had darkened his heart every time he felt especially exhausted and uninspired. He had thought about it a million times and the conclusion had always been that he had been the one to push the other away. He had been too afraid of his feelings. But what did Jihoon think about it? He had never dared to ask up to now.

"I’m not sure if this is the right time to talk about something like this," Jihoon answered quietly. „It will just make things even more complicated between us.“ Soonyoung waited a moment before speaking up again. His heart felt heavy in his chest.

"Can it really become even more complicated? Jihoon, we can’t even look at each other anymore." Jihoon fidgeted with his fingers, his gaze still unreadable to Soonyoung. But then from one moment to the next Jihoons expression hardened and Soonyoung couldn’t help but flinch slightly at the angriness in the other’s eyes.

"Okay, good I‘ll tell you. I pushed you away! It was me! Everything. Are you happy now?" Soonyoung was dumbfounded. This wasn’t what he had expected the other to say. It didn’t even make sense in his mind, because he was the one who let Jihoon slowly slip away.

“Why did you push me away then?” Even though Soonyoung asked the question, he wasn’t prepared for the answer. He felt a chill running down his spine making him shiver slightly. Time seemed to be frozen.

Jihoon got up from his seat and turned his back to Soonyoung staring a picture at the wall. "When was it? Maybe three years ago. You started having all these flings at that time. One trainee was more interesting than the next to you. And I… I couldn’t stand listening to you talk about it. I had to protect myself. I need my heart for my work, I couldn’t let you shatter it completely."

Soonyoung felt his heartbeat speeding up. This couldn’t be true. All these years they both lived in pain and neither of them knew about how the other really felt. They had been idiots all along. "Why didn’t you tell me? It would have changed everything."

Jihoon turned around again. Soonyoung could see the pain and anger now clearly in his eyes. The producer had taken down all his walls protecting him. This was just Jihoon, not Woozi, not the genius producer, not the leader of the vocal unit. It was just Jihoon and he was clearly in pain. "You first only hooked up with girls! How should I have known you are even interested in guys?"

Hoshi felt his throat closing up. He felt horrible and was disappointed in himself. Why had he been just running away all these years thinking he was the only one scared and in pain? How could he have never seen that Jihoon was in distress too? "I was scared and... why didn’t you tell me that you liked guys then?"

"I don’t know if I like guys or girls or whatever. I only ever liked you!" Game over. Soonyoung felt how his heart shattered completely at the other's confession. He almost couldn’t breathe anymore, it was all so hard to cope with. He slowly got up from the couch and walked up close to Jihoon.

"Why didn’t you say then anything later?" Hoshi's voice was only a whisper. "I said it a thousand times, Soonyoung! I said it in each and every song I‘ve written. I screamed it out at every concert, every music show, but you never heard my voice!!"

Soonyoung could barely hold back his tears at this point. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, the step he took closer to Jihoon was cautious. Three years and he had never known. How could he have been so very blind? He could have saved them from a lot of pain if he would have just looked closer at Jihoon, but he had been afraid all along. Afraid that his feelings could break the both of them and finally also break their group. This was not just between the two of them, but they also had to think about the other group members. But maybe everything had been just a cheap excuse, to run away without really looking at what was right in front of his eyes.

"Soonyoung, we are destroying the last bit of friendship we have right now." Soonyoung just shook his head, taking another step closer to Jihoon. "No, we are mending what had belonged together already a long time ago." Jihoon looked slightly confused at him and wanted to take a step back from Soonyoung, but he didn’t let him. Hoshi grabbed his arm tightly, not letting the other move away even one inch.

"Do you love me Jihoon-ah?" Jihoon turned his head away at the question and didn’t answer. Soonyoung knew that Jihoon didn’t want to answer. The producer was scared and distressed and probably also afraid out of the same reasons he was afraid too. But Soonyoung couldn’t back away anymore. It was much too late to turn his back one more time on Jihoon. He could probably never do that again.

"Look at me and tell me that you don’t love me." Soonyoung reached with his other hand for Jihoons face and slowly turned it around, so Jihoon was looking at him again. There was something very raw and emotional in Jihoons gaze and it pulled heavily at Soonyoungs heartstrings.

"I can’t. Because I do love you."

All these years, sitting in dark corners, feeling bad for the thoughts going through your head, thinking that you had been the one to destroy the most precious friendship you ever had – all of this suddenly felt like a faraway memory in Soonyoungs mind. The dark spots on his heart slowly vanished and his mind felt clearer than ever. Soonyoung had been running away for years. Running away from the feelings in his own heart, scared it would destroy both of them and also their group. 

But now he was done with running away. He finally had reached the end of the road and found the destination he had always longed to find. Standing here together with Jihoon who laid his heart bare in front of him was everything he had ever wished for. And now it was time to also show the other what had been hidden all the years deep inside his heart.

"9 years ago a boy called Soonyoung met a small boy with the name Jihoon. He became Soongyoungs best friend, his light, and his reason to get up every morning even though his body hurt from all the training. At that time Soonyoung didn’t know that these feelings had been love, he was still too young for that. When he noticed some years later that his feelings might go beyond friendship, he chose to run away to save their relationship. He hid everything under superficial relationships and stupid jokes, so his best friend would never notice his feelings. But in the end, he broke their friendship with exactly that behavior apart completely. Now he wishes more than anything to get a second chance with his one and only love."

Soonyoung caressed Jihoons cheek carefully while talking. Jihoons face was relaxing with every word the other spoke, his lips slowly spreading into a smile. Soonyoung had never seen anything more beautiful before. Nothing could rival the beauty of Jihoons smile full of love and hope.

"Idiot, why are you talking about yourself in the third person?" Soonyoung chuckled lightly at the very Jihoon-ish words. Somewhere along the way, they both had forgotten that they could just be Jihoon and Soonyoung when they were together and not Woozi and Hoshi. But he was sure they could learn anew now to be just themselves again. Jihoons smile told him that everything was going to be alright.

"I thought it’s more romantic that way. And why are you even complaining when it made you smile so brightly?" Jihoon blushed slightly and in Soonyoungs eyes, it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. He felt the need to pinch the others cheek, but Jihoon would probably hit him for that, so he didn’t give in to temptation this time.

"I‘m not complaining. How could I..." Jihoon mumbled lowly. Soonyoung pulled him into a tight hug. "Let’s not run away anymore." Jihoon let out a small sob at Soonyoungs words pushing his face into the other's chest. Soonyoung could feel his shirt getting wet from the other's tears. "Let’s be together for a long, long time, Jihoonie, my love." 

Jihoon wiped his tears away with Soonyoungs shirt and looked at him again. "My love? That’s so corny." Soonyoung leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Jihoon's lips. "Just wait and see, I’ll find a way to tell it the whole world one day."

Soonyoung pulled Jihoon to the couch and told him to lay down with him. Woozi simply laid on top of Soonyoung placing his head onto the choreographer’s chest right where his heart was. At the same time, Jihoon put up a hand onto his own heart and closed his eyes in concentration.

"What are you doing there, Jihoon-ah?"

"Shut up I want to listen to this. It’s the perfect harmony." Soonyoung kept quiet for a while to let the producer listen to their heartbeats. He only spoke up again, when the others hand slowly dropped down from holding onto his heart.

"What do we do from now on, Jihoon-ah?" It was a serious question and Jihoon knew that too. He immediately changed his position a bit to be able to look at Soonyoung again.

"I don’t know. Let’s just be together and see what happens." Soonyoung gave Jihoon a small kiss on the top of his head and leaned back again on the couch.

"So you don’t want to tell the others immediately?" Jihoon also laid down again on Soonyoungs chest and closed his eyes.

"They’ll figure it out soon either way."

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Almost a week went by since their confessions, but once more nothing really changed and everything changed at the same time. Jihoon and Soonyoung went back to talking regularly to each other, all shy smiles, laughter, and gentle gestures. But no one of the group had said a single word about the change between them.

They were at the dance studio today practicing the new choreography of HOME already for many hours. Everyone was exhausted and lacked concentration so they took a short break. 

Soonyoung sat down on the floor at the very far end of the room. He was out of breath and tired, so he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the mirror behind him. He heard someone sitting down beside him, but he didn’t bother opening his eyes. „The choreography to HOME came out very nicely in the end.“ Soonyoung smiled hearing Jihoons voice. Finally opening his eyes again to look at the producer.

"Thank you. It suddenly became a lot easier when I could understand the lyrics." Woozi gave Soonyoung a little smirk at his confession.

"So you learned Korean at last. Congratulations." Soonyoung pouted at Jihoon and shoved him slightly to the side.

"Hey, don’t be so mean, Jihoon-ah." Jihoon laughed out loudly and Soonyoungs heart was skipping a beat. Being together like this in so much harmony was the most rewarding thing he could imagine after a hard day of work. He hoped it would continue like this forever.

"I‘m just joking. I know what you mean. It feels also good to me now that the lyrics aren’t just locked away feelings anymore. Now everything is real and feels so much better. I actually managed to finish the song for the vocal unit last night." Soonyoung hooked his index finger under Jihoons pinky, not daring to touch him more in the practice room. Both of them smiled shyly at the other.

"Do you want to hang out after the practice for a bit? We could grab something to eat and you could show me your new song in your studio?" Jihoons smile widened into a big grin and he leaned over to Soonyoung to whisper in his ear. "Sounds good. But only if you show me how I can give you a blowjob."

Soonyoung looked scandalized at the other one but was deep down totally intrigued by the idea. "If you say things like this, how do you expect our relationship to stay a secret?"

"Why can’t I say things like that? Do you want to kiss me now or what?" Jihoons eyes were so bright while looking at him, all his feelings on clear display for Soonyoung. He really wanted to lean over and kiss him.

"Yes, I want to pull you on my lap, hug you tight and then kiss you until you forget where we are." Jihoon smiled at him and leaned now his head against the mirror and closed his eyes.

"Let’s do that another time, Soonie. I have a feeling it won’t take much longer until one of the others will say something. Some of them were already eying us strangely."

"Really? I didn’t notice that at all." Soonyoung tried to think back on how the others behaved in the last days, but there wasn’t something out of the norm for him. He really thought that no one noticed the change in their relationship.

"When do you ever notice something?" Soonyoung knew Jihoon had a point there. He was too dense for his own good and that almost ruined everything between him and Jihoon because of that. Luckily fate still brought them together somehow.

"Ouch, that hurt." Jihoon just chuckled and looked at Soonyoung again with a small smile on his lips and love in his eyes.

"Can you sing me a bit from your new song, Jihoon-ah?"

"Yes." And for the first time, Soonyoung listened with an open heart knowing that every word was a part of their story. They’ve gone a long way, but arrived at last where they had always wanted to be.

_No matter how much you hide it_  
_You know you can’t hide it forever_  
_So we can smile together_  
_Don’t be sorry, don’t worry,_  
_Don’t be scared, don’t cry now _

_To me you are very precious_  
_I want to tell you, who also had a rough day_  
_That I am here, that you’ve worked hard_  
_That I love you_  
_That I will hug you_

Luckily they weren’t able to hide their feelings forever. Now they were steadily getting closer, slowly becoming each other’s home. The time where they lived offbeat besides the other slowly forgotten, now living together in perfect harmony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This was a highly experimental piece for me and I actually considered not posting it. It was just something I started when I didn’t have inspiration for my other stories, but it kind of got out of hand. I’m normally having really mixed feelings about canon compliant pieces, so I don’t even really know how I ended up writing this. But in the end canon compliant pieces are as much fiction as any AU, I guess. 
> 
> In the beginning this didn’t even have much story, but along the way I changed a lot of the plot and rewote a lot of things. I changed the title actually three times. It only came all together when I added the lyrics and elements of music and so on. The chapters are written with the lyrics of each song in mind, a bit like a theme. The end of the second chapter with the “It’s so hard, so hard, so hard” is also taken from Hug’s lyrics. I kind of wanted a bridge between the two songs. But this is all just my crazy mind at work, don’t mind me. All in all, this is still just a very simple story.
> 
> I’m still not sure if it turned out good or bad. One way or the other, it was interesting to write it and play around with the lyrics and put in the elements of music and dance. They whole thing turned out a bit too angsty for my taste, but at least it has a happy ending. My heart just can’t handle sad endings. Actually I already felt quite bad writing this with all the angst going on D: One day I hopefully also have an idea for a very happy and fluffy story, BUT I wouldn’t be surprised if I never would come up with one haha.
> 
> So either way, I hope you enjoyed this somehow. I’ll go now back to writing Code Red. Thank you for reading, commenting, giving kudos and all the other great things you always do <3 Add me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/just_a_pinwheel) if you like. I’m always writing there what I’m writing and updating:) See you around!
> 
> PS: The lyrics of Getting Closer, Home and Hug of course exclusively belong to Seventeen and Pledis, I only borrowed them for this story.  
PPS: I’m so done with writing smut for the next one million years lol. I mean it.  
PPPS: Sorry for all the mistakes. I maybe shouldn’t even post without a beta.


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